DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

• 40-ish.............................................49
• Adventurous.......................Slept with everyone
• Athletic......................................No tits
• Average Looking..................................Ugly
• Beautiful...........................Pathological liar
• Contagious Smile..................Does a lot of pills
• Emotionally Secure......................On medication
• Feminist .........................................Fat
• Free Spirit....................................Junkie
• Friendship First..........................Former slut
• Fun..........................................Annoying
• New-Age.................Body hair in the wrong places
• Old-Fashioned..................................No BJs
• Open-Minded.................................Desperate
• Outgoing........................Loud and Embarrassing
• Passionate...............................Sloppy drunk
• Professional....................................Bitch
• Voluptuous...................................Very Fat
• Large Frame................................Hugely Fat
• Wants Soul mate...............................Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay