From: Dennis Swing
To: Undisclosed Recipient
Date: Thursday, July 01, 2004 9:38 AM
Subject: Dictionary For Women's Personal Ads:

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
  • 40-ish.............................................49
  • Adventurous.......................Slept with everyone
  • Athletic......................................No tits
  • Average looking..................................Ugly
  • Beautiful...........................Pathological liar
  • Contagious Smile..................Does a lot of pills
  • Emotionally Secure......................On medication
  • Feminist .........................................Fat
  • Free spirit....................................Junkie
  • Friendship first..........................Former slut
  • Fun..........................................Annoying
  • New-Age.................Body hair in the wrong places
  • Old-fashioned..................................No BJs
  • Open-minded.................................Desperate
  • Outgoing........................Loud and Embarrassing
  • Passionate...............................Sloppy drunk
  • Professional....................................Bitch
  • Voluptuous...................................Very Fat
  • Large frame................................Hugely Fat
  • Wants Soul mate...............................Stalker
WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
  1. Yes = No
  2. No = Yes
  3. Maybe = No
  4. We need = I want..
  5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
  6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
  7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
  8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
  9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
  10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH:
  1. I am hungry = I am hungry
  2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
  3. I am tired = I am tired
  4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
  5. I love you = Let's have sex now
  6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
  7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
  8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
  9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
  10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
  11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay