Thoughts Of The Year
- Do not eat natural foods. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I
learned that most people die of natural causes.
- Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you
are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes
out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
- The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
- Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
- There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
- An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
- If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the
fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
- Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
- Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks
about seeing UFOs like they used to?
- Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
- All of us could take a lesson from the weather: it pays no attention to
- Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
- In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
- Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to
realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
- How is it one careless match can start a forest fire but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
- You've read about all these terrorists--- most of them came here legally, but they hung around on expired visas, some for as long as 10 - 15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster: you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.