My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last:
Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant,
have a little wine, some good food, and companionship.
-- She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
We also sleep in separate beds.
Her's is in Florida and mine is in Cincinnati.
I take my wife everywhere,
but she keeps finding her way back.
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and, electric bread maker.
Then she said, "There are too many gadgets, and no
place to sit down!"
So I bought her an electric chair.
My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was, she told me,
"In the lake."
My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas.
She hasn't lost weight, but BOY, can she climb trees.
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
The driver said, "No, jump in!"
Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.
I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was "Always."
I haven't spoken to my wife for two years.
I don't like to interrupt her.
The last fight was my fault.
My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
Why do men die before their wives?
Cause they want to.