My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last:
Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food, and companionship.
-- She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

We also sleep in separate beds.
Her's is in Florida and mine is in Cincinnati.

I take my wife everywhere,
but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and, electric bread maker.
Then she said, "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!"
So I bought her an electric chair.

My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was, she told me, "In the lake."

My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas.
She hasn't lost weight, but BOY, can she climb trees.

She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
The driver said, "No, jump in!"

Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.

I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was "Always."

I haven't spoken to my wife for two years.
I don't like to interrupt her.

The last fight was my fault.
My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.