- She was in the bathroom,
putting on her makeup, under the watchful
eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd
done many times before. After she applied
her lipstick and started to leave, the
little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot
to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I
will probably never put lipstick on again
without thinking about kissing the toilet
paper good-bye....
- My young grandson called the other day
to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how
old I was, and I told him, 72. My grandson
was quiet for a moment, and then he asked,
"Did you start at 1?"
- After putting her grandchildren to bed,
a grandmother changed into old slacks and
a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her
hair. As she heard the children getting
more and more rambunctious, her patience
grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel
around her head and stormed into their
room, putting them back to bed with stern
warnings. As she left the room, she heard
the three-year-old say with a trembling
voice, "Who was THAT?"
- A grandmother was telling her little
granddaughter what her own childhood was
like. "We used to skate outside on a pond.
I had a swing made from a tire; it hung
from a tree in our front yard. We rode
our pony. We picked wild raspberries in
the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed,
taking this all in. At last she said, "I
sure wish I'd gotten to know you
sooner!"
- My grandson was visiting one day when
he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you
and God are alike?" I mentally polished my
halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?"
"You're both old," he replied.
- A little girl was diligently pounding
away on her grandfather's word processor.
She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked. "I don't
know," she replied. "I can't read."
- I didn't know if my granddaughter had
learned her colors yet, so I decided to
test her. I would point out something and
ask what color it was. She would tell me
and was always correct. It was fun for me,
so I continued. At last, she headed for
the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you
should try to figure out some of these
colors yourself!"
- When my grandson Billy and I entered our
vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until
we were inside to keep from attracting pesky
insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in.
Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered,
"It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are
coming after us with flashlights."
- When my grandson asked me how old I was,
I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in
your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine
says I'm 4 to 6."
- A second grader came home from school and
said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what?
We learned how to make babies today." The
grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried
to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said.
"How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied
the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add
'es'."
- Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a
public servant," said a teacher. The small boy
wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."
The teacher took the lad aside to correct him.
"Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means
carrying a child."
- A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren
to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed
past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck
was a Dalmatian dog. The children started
discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep
crowds back," said one child. "No," said another.
"He's just for good luck." A third child brought
the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she
said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."
- A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived.
"Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when
we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're
done having her visit, we take her back to the
airport."
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