Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students crossing the campus when
one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking
along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful
woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the
ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what
you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good
choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the
pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer,
the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting
one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must
have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've
never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper.
Let's have a word with him." "Hi George! Say, what's
with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't
they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group
of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our
clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them
play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say
a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can
do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at
night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
Q: What is the difference between Mechanical
Engineers and Civil Engineers?
A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil
Engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does
it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does
it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How
much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want
fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together
discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer." Just look
at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The
nervous system has many thousands of electrical
connections."
The last one said, "Actually it was a civil
engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline
through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't
fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't
have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An architect, an artist and an engineer were
discussing whether it was better to spend time with the
wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife,
building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
Both?"
"Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you
can go to the lab and get some work done."
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