Dysfunctional Side of Hallmark

1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love, and now
   that you've come into my life...
   (Inside card) - I've changed my mind.
   
   
2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
   (Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.
   
   
3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
   (Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin them for me.
   
   
4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go...
   (Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably
   need it again.
   
   
5. Someday I hope to marry...
   (Inside card) - Someone other than you.
   
   
6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...
   (Inside card) - Almost lifelike!
   
   
7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
   (Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your
   promise.
   
   
8. We've been friends for a very long time...
   (Inside card) - What do you say we stop?
   
   
9. I'm so miserable without you...
   (Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.
   
   
10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
    (Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?
    
    
11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship
    and there was only one life jacket...
    (Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.
    
    
12. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your
    birthday...
    (Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep..
    
    
13. Looking back over the years we've been together,
    I can't help but wonder...
    (Inside card) - What was I thinking?
    
    
14. Congratulations on your wedding day!
    (Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.
15. My tire was thumping
    I thought it was flat.
    When I looked at the tire ...
    (Inside card) I noticed your cat.
    Sorry.