The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?"
The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the drink,
and says "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are
you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."
A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says
to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer,
which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no
stipulation of remuneration."
The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay,
you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here
The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says,
"What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've
got the audacity to come back!"
The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in
this place in my life!" The bartender replies, "I'm very sorry,
but this is uncanny. You must have a double."
To which the guy replies, "Thank you. Make it a scotch."
A wife was standing in the kitchen one morning, preparing
soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the
t-shirt she slept in. As her husband walked in, she turned
to him and said: "You've got to make love to me right now,
here, across the kitchen table."
His eyes lit up. He could hardly believe his luck, and
before she could change her mind, he made love to her on the
Afterwards, she hurriedly thanked him and returned to the
stove, with her T-shirt still around her neck. Happy, but
puzzled, he asked her: "What was all that about?"
"Oh," she said. "The egg timer is broken."
A new receptionist started work in a psychiatrist's office,
but at the end of her first day he felt he had to have a
quiet word with her.
"Your general approach is fine," he said, "but try saying
'We're very busy' rather than 'It's a madhouse.'"
On the way home from a party, a wife said to her middle aged
husband: "Have I ever told you how sexy and irresistible to
women you are?"
"I don't believe you have dear," he replied flattered.
"Then what the hell gave you that idea at the party?"
An old man was asleep in his chair one afternoon when he was
awoken by the sound of the doorbell. He shuffled to the door
and when he opened it, he saw a beautiful young woman standing
"Oh dear!" she said. "I'm at the wrong house."
"Sweetheart, you're at the right house," the old guy assured her,
"but you're about 40 years too late!"
A 107-year-old man was asked by a television crew what was the
secret of his longevity.
"It's because I gave up sex" he said.
"When did you give up sex?" asked the reporter.
"Fifteen years ago."
"I see," said the reporter. "And why did you give up sex?
"I had to. I like older women"