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From: Nancy
Subject: dailyjokes.com
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Nancy gets these from dailyjokes.com.

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Date: March 27, 2012 2:49 PM
Subject: Free Drinks

The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?" The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."

A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."

The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again."

The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!"

The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!" The bartender replies, "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double."

To which the guy replies, "Thank you. Make it a scotch."

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Date: March 14, 2012 4:50 PM
Subject: Morning Sex

A wife was standing in the kitchen one morning, preparing soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the t-shirt she slept in. As her husband walked in, she turned to him and said: "You've got to make love to me right now, here, across the kitchen table."

His eyes lit up. He could hardly believe his luck, and before she could change her mind, he made love to her on the kitchen table.

Afterwards, she hurriedly thanked him and returned to the stove, with her T-shirt still around her neck. Happy, but puzzled, he asked her: "What was all that about?"

"Oh," she said. "The egg timer is broken."

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Date: February 29, 2012 2:49 PM
Subject: New Receptionist

A new receptionist started work in a psychiatrist's office, but at the end of her first day he felt he had to have a quiet word with her.

"Your general approach is fine," he said, "but try saying 'We're very busy' rather than 'It's a madhouse.'"

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Date: February 27, 2012 2:53 PM
Subject: Ladies Man

On the way home from a party, a wife said to her middle aged husband: "Have I ever told you how sexy and irresistible to women you are?"

"I don't believe you have dear," he replied flattered.

"Then what the hell gave you that idea at the party?"

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Date: February 23, 2012 12:23 PM
Subject: Wrong House

An old man was asleep in his chair one afternoon when he was awoken by the sound of the doorbell. He shuffled to the door and when he opened it, he saw a beautiful young woman standing there.

"Oh dear!" she said. "I'm at the wrong house."

"Sweetheart, you're at the right house," the old guy assured her, "but you're about 40 years too late!"

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Date: February 23, 2012 12:19 PM
Subject: Secret to Longevity

A 107-year-old man was asked by a television crew what was the secret of his longevity.

"It's because I gave up sex" he said.

"When did you give up sex?" asked the reporter.

"Fifteen years ago."

"I see," said the reporter. "And why did you give up sex?

"I had to. I like older women"

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