The Politics of Chickenology

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP:

We will build a big wall to keep the chickens from crossing the road, and we will make the chickens pay for it.

JOHN KERRY:

We will trust the chicken to tell us whether it crossed the road or not.

CHRIS CHRISTIE:

We need to water board that chicken to find out why it crossed the road.

RAND PAUL:

It's none of our business why the chicken crossed the road.

NANCY PELOSI:

We will have to wait until the chicken crosses the road to see what it says.

CARLY FIORINA:

Hilary Clinton lied about why the chicken crossed the road.

BRIAN WILLIAMS:

I crossed the road with the chicken.

BEN CARSON:

This isn't brain surgery.

SARAH PALIN:

Because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

HILLARY CLINTON:

What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road?

GEORGE W. BUSH:

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us.

BILL CLINTON:

I did not cross the road with that chicken.

DR. PHIL:

The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road.

OPRAH:

Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so he can just drive across the road.

ANDERSON COOPER:

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:

To die in the rain, alone.

BILL GATES:

I have just released eChicken2016 which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

AL SHARPTON:

Why are all the chickens white?

AL GORE:

I invented the chicken