Two Blondes With Hammers... Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter
work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house
siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss
it over her shoulder or nail it in. Donna, figuring this was worth
looking into, asked, 'Why are you throwing those nails away?' Carol
explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have
the head on the wrong end and I throw them away. Donna got completely
upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for
the other side of the house!'
Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in
movie? They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'
A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of
her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency room
doctor asked her. 'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde
replied. 'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by
shooting off your finger?' 'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the
gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid $6,000.00 for these
implants. I'm not shooting myself in the chest.' 'So then?' asked the
doctor. 'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid
$3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the
mouth.' 'So then?' 'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This
is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I
pulled the trigger.
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad
hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to
a repair shop.. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to
have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really
hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down
on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing
happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her
blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?' The first blonde
told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe
in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes
and said, 'Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.'
A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos.
She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the
clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... it
keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.' 'Wow, said the blonde,
'that's amazing.... I'm going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos and
took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,'
he asked? 'Why, that's a thermos..... it keeps hot things hot and cold
things cold,' she replied. Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'
The blond replied..... .'Two popsicles and some coffee.'
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked
sympathetically, 'What's the matter?' The blonde replies, 'Early this
morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.' The
boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the day?
Take the day off to relax and rest.' 'Thanks, but I'd be better off here.
I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that
here.' The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple
of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out
from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. 'What's so bad
now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks. 'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just
received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!'