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If you receive an e-mail entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately!!
Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty.
  • It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
  • It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.
  • It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.
  • It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.
  • It will program your phone AutoDial to call only your mother-in-law's number.
  • This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
  • It will drink all your beer.
  • It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.
  • Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz to migrate behind your ears.
  • It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.
  • It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye.
  • It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea.
  • It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.
  • If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows95 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.
  • It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
  • It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam.
  • It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell like dill pickles.
  • It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

These are just a few signs of infection.


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