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If you receive an e-mail entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately!!
Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty.
- It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
- It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.
- It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your
VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt
to play.
- It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all
your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.
- It will program your phone AutoDial to call only your
mother-in-law's number.
- This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
- It will drink all your beer.
- It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.
- Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton
fuzz to migrate behind your ears.
- It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine,
all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and
billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.
- It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way
that is only fun until someone loses an eye.
- It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea.
- It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to
passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which
grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.
- If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows95 environment, it
will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in
dangerously close to a full bathtub.
- It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and
pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
- It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam.
- It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to
smell like dill pickles.
- It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to
behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
These are just a few signs of infection.
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