Adult Fairy Tales
CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but
her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the
garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promised to provide Cinderella
with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.
"First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"
"You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn
into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m The appointed hour comes and
goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella
shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was
supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power!
Tell me his name!"
Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly, ...
Peter, Peter, something or other..."
PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would
sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio,
therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested
he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through
town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out
from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm
going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket
and pulled out a 44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No, you're not.
You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."
MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE
MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say
here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's fucking
saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked
him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to me! Lie to
Did you know ...CAPTAIN HOOK
died from jock itch.
One day, JANE met TARZAN
in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about
his life she asked him how he engaged in sex.
"What's that?" he asked.
She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the
trunk of a tree."
Horrified, she said, " Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will show you
how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground and
spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty
kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to
gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?"
"Just checking for bees," said Tarzan.