| | |
| Scene: | COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A
COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT . . |
| | |
| ABBOTT |
Super Duper computer store. Can
I help you? |
| COSTELLO | Thanks. I'm setting up an office
in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer. |
| ABBOTT | Mac? |
| COSTELLO | No, the name's Lou. |
| ABBOTT | Your computer? |
| COSTELLO | I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. |
| ABBOTT | Mac? |
| COSTELLO | I told you, my name's Lou. |
| ABBOTT | What about Windows? |
| COSTELLO | Why? Will it get stuffy in here? |
| ABBOTT | Do you want a computer with Windows? |
| COSTELLO | I don't know What will I see when I look in the
windows? |
| ABBOTT | Wallpaper. |
| COSTELLO | Never mind the windows. I need a computer and
software. |
| ABBOTT | Software for Windows? |
| COSTELLO | No. On the computer! I need something I can use
to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have
you got? |
| ABBOTT | Office. |
| COSTELLO | Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? |
| ABBOTT | I just did. |
| COSTELLO | You just did what? |
| ABBOTT | Recommend something. |
| COSTELLO | You recommended something? |
| ABBOTT | Yes. |
| COSTELLO | For my office? |
| ABBOTT | Yes. |
| COSTELLO | OK, what did you recommend for my office? |
| ABBOTT | Office. |
| COSTELLO | Yes, for my office! |
| ABBOTT | I recommend Office with Windows. |
| COSTELLO | I already have an office with windows! OK, let's
just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal.
What do I need? |
| ABBOTT | Word. |
| COSTELLO | What word? |
| ABBOTT | Word in Office. |
| COSTELLO | The only word in office is office. |
| ABBOTT | The Word in Office for Windows. |
| COSTELLO | Which word in office for windows? |
| ABBOTT | The Word you get when you click the blue "W". |
| COSTELLO | I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start
with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on
the Internet? |
| ABBOTT | Yes, you want Real One. |
| COSTELLO | Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is
none of your business. Just tell me what I need! |
| ABBOTT | Real One. |
| COSTELLO | If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3
& 4. Can I watch them? |
| ABBOTT | Of course. |
| COSTELLO | Great! With what? |
| ABBOTT | Real One. |
| COSTELLO | OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie.
What do I do? |
| ABBOTT | You click the blue "1." |
| COSTELLO | I click the blue one what? |
| ABBOTT | The blue "1." |
| COSTELLO | Is that different from the blue w? |
| ABBOTT | The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word. |
| COSTELLO | What word? |
| ABBOTT | The Word in Office for Windows. |
| COSTELLO | But there's three words in "office for windows"! |
| ABBOTT | No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the
world. |
| COSTELLO | It is? |
| ABBOTT | Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words
left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there. |
| COSTELLO | And that word is real one? |
| ABBOTT | Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't
even part of Office. |
| COSTELLO | STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial
bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with? |
| ABBOTT | Money. |
| COSTELLO | That's right. What do you have? |
| ABBOTT | Money. |
| COSTELLO | I need money to track my money? |
| ABBOTT | It comes bundled with your computer |
| COSTELLO | What's bundled with my computer? |
| ABBOTT | Money. |
| COSTELLO | Money comes with my computer? |
| ABBOTT | Yes. No extra charge. |
| COSTELLO | I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much? |
| ABBOTT | One copy. |
| COSTELLO | Isn't it illegal to copy money? |
| ABBOTT | Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money. |
| COSTELLO | They can give you a license to copy money? |
| ABBOTT | Why not? THEY OWN IT! |
| | |
| A FEW DAYS LATER . . |
| | |
| ABBOTT | Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? |
| COSTELLO | How do I turn my computer off? |
| ABBOTT | Click on "START".......... |
